Lessons learned as a mom...

I decided to do a blog today about the lessons I’ve learned as a mom. I’m sure you mommies out there can add to this as well, so here goes:

1. if you think something is out of reach, it isn’t. Move it another 2 feet above where you think the kid can reach and maybe you’ll get lucky.
2. Screaming loudly when you see your son has pulled a knife off the counter will cause said son to drop said knife and if you’re quick you can grab it before any arteries are severed.
3. Kids are virtually indestructible and will find numerous ways to prove it in their lives.
4. Kids will always learn the names of the bad foods you give them way before they know how to ask for healthy food, so by the age of 21 months they will repeatedly ask for chips, pizza or fries for breakfast but grudgingly settle for Cheerios, toast, eggs or fruit.
5. Every small round object looks like a grape, and a cherry tomato will always be repeatedly mistaken for a grape until the child in question bites it and spits it back at you, then gives you the stinkeye for 10 minutes for giving the child such a horrible thing.
6. Rubbing your tongue must get nasty tastes (like tomato) off of it when you are under the age of 5.
7. I am immune to the stinkeye.
8. Never let them out of the highchair in a restaurant or it’s all over.
9. Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is a Godsend.
10. A 34 inch little girl can climb up on an approximately 4 foot high bed like a spider monkey, gripping the sheets, but cannot climb down without falling when trying to carry BunBun the lovie, a sippy cup, a bracelet and a blanket.
11. There will always be a missing sippy cup (usually full of curdled milk) and a missing paci.

12. There is some weird vortex out there full of pacis and cups. And one sock in every color.
13. Panties seem like a good idea until the explanation that to wear them you have to use the potty comes.
14. Little boys don’t give a hoot about underwear, even if you pay over $2 a pair for them and they’re emblazoned with Elmo, Cars and Diego.
15. A 21 month old little boy is practically an engineer when it comes to figuring out how to open any bottle or container in the house. And subsequently emptying said bottle or container into the floor, including shampoo.
16. Carpet doesn’t really matter. I suggest you plan to replace it when the kids turn 20.
17. The smell of puke will never come out of a carpet, no matter how many times you scrub it with numerous soaps and spray it with Febreze.
18. Anything in the house can get fingerprints, including but not limited to: windows, stainless steel refrigerators, stoves, dishwashers, televisions, walls, baby gates, china cabinets, doors…
19. Popping Dora into the DVD player cures all the ills in the world but there need to be more Dora/Diego combo DVDs.
20. A little girl who has lost her pacifier in the middle of the night could wake the dead, but not her own father.
21. The age of one is not too young for kids to begin screwing with their parents, like turning the TV off right at the good part of a show.
22. There is no such thing as going to the restroom alone anymore.
23. Kids love to be naked.
24. My kids have a bigger wardrobe than I do, yet I still find myself drawn to the toddler section of every store.
25. Getting an unsolicited hug or kiss is the greatest feeling in the world.
26. My house will never be clean and I don’t really care.