This means the experience of raising kids is now competing with highs in a
parent's past, like career wins ("I got a raise!") or a carefree social life
("God, this is a great martini!"). Shuttling cranky kids to school or dashing to
work with spit-up on your favorite sweater doesn't skew as romantic.
Hm. Is it that parents nowadays aren't as happy as non-parents, or parents nowadays had a whole different life before kids? Parents of a generation or two ago graduated from high school, got married and had kids. Their life before kids was that they WERE kids. Now most parents don't have kids until they've gone to college, graduate school, and worked a while. Like I said, a whole other life.
I don't think I'm less happy- I'm just a different kind of happy. I've gone from finding my happiness in the greatest pair of shoes or a really fun, loud, crazy time with friends to finding happiness in watching my kids play soccer or watching them learn something new or just listening to their little ideas. Saturday nights have gone from, what are we going to do tonight/where are we going to go/out of town jaunts, to "hey, let's hit the Walmart." Don't get me wrong, I'll still take the shoes, and I'm woman enough to admit that I DO miss the shoes. But I won't trade the Twinkies. Most days.
Here's the article for those interested.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792/page/1
6 comments:
You are singing my song! I had a successful career pre-motherhood...and was a very fulfilled, social, happy person. Adding motherhood to the mix didn't not "detract" from who I was...not once did I feel like I needed to "get myself back" (a phrase that I find upsetting actually); my "self" was added to -- not subtracted from -- when I became a mother. Waiting 'til the time was "right" for me probably helped. I imagine if one feels blindsided by motherhood, maybe that's different.
Am I weird not to want to read the article? From your description, I'm assuming by the article's assignation, I'm a freak, too!(and happy about it...)
I think if you ask childless folks they will admit they wonder if they would be more fulfilled if they had a child. But, if you ask some parents, they may also say they miss all the freedom. Bottom line, do what makes YOU the most happy! That's what I'm preaching anyway.
Wendy
Nothing wrong with being happy with a child. I think the best life is one where you had the opportunity to do those crazy things back in the day and now have the opportunity to do something that is more meaningful and leaves a bigger legacy. I think happiness is having a choice and I am cool with mine:)
I read that article today and it caused me some concern that my happiness level is getting ready to take a dramatic dip! Glad to know that is not the case. I thought I would continue to be happy after Jackson is born, maybe just a different kind of happy like you said.
Jenny
I agree--it's definitely a different kind of happy! Although I have days when I think about dropping Jonathan off at a "Safe Place", I would not trade him for anything. I had a great life pre-kiddo, but, despite the cliche, I feel more fulfilled now. I'm with you on missing the shoes though!
I agree. I know that I had a good like before Lydia and I did not feel some big whole that I needed a kid to fill...she has just added whole new layer of happiness. I do not agree it is the same happiness as a raise..come on
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